That day, I lost my mom. Figuratively. My parents signed the divorce, something that we saw coming ages ago yet it didn’t happen until now.
She went away with another man last July. I asked her about him in
September and she shouted at me horrible things I can still listen to in
my head (“you are nuts, a liar… reading so many books is making you
crazy…”). I stopped talking to her.
On January, she “apologized” but I didn’t think she was being honest.
I ignored her. I was trying to heal myself from thousands of scars and
wounds she left me through my entire life.
On February 21, I received her suit for divorce against my dad. She said horrible things and lies. Some of them were about her, but attributed to my dad … I said many things in January. Even my second brother, who is younger than me for two years, was involved, illegally, in the lies.
The next day, February 22, she took away my
youngest brother. He is 15, I haven’t seen him since, even though I’ve
chatted a couple time with him. It seems as if they are controlling each
and every of his moves. I should know, been there, done that, and all
that jazz. Still, she kept sending my and my older brother text messages
saying that she loved us… we couldn’t believe them. I told myself that I would talk to her again if she showed she cared about us, but she didn’t.
So, yeah… on Wednesday April 10, 2013, my
parents signed the divorce. I wanted… wished… for her to show she really
cared about me and my brother. We wanted for her to accept my dad’s
agreement (leaving us the house until my brother finished college or I
was 25, meaning 3 more years), She didn’t.
She wanted to sell the house as soon as
possible because I could work and help pay bills, and my brother was too
behind in school and he should start to see for himself… In other
words, she didn’t care about our well being. In the end, we have to sell
the house in a year and a half.
When she went out of the offices, we saw her and she saw us… and she smiled delighted. It hurt… Practically, she pushed us aside, she denied us as her children. On Friday, she sent us a text message that said that she loved us. But she already lost us.
She may earn her money and lived happily ever after with
this man. I really hope she ends up being happy and I will forgive her
once I stop feeling so sad and mad… but she lost her only daughter and
her older son, who is so full of resentment and hatred it hurts… I don’t
know when I will talk to her again, but in the main time, she isn’t a
“mom” or a “mother” anymore, she’s only the person who brought me to
I want her and her boyfriend the best. I wish my
soon-to-be 20 year old brother the best. I hope I can see really soon my
15 year old brother. I pray my older brother heals from his hurt and
hatred and resentment. I want my dad to be happy… and I want myself to
be okay… I don’t know how long it will take, but I know I will.
I will be free from the labyrinth of suffering.